Trigger alert: this post is about child sexual abuse
Um, before you rape that little boy, could I have a moment of your time?
You’re close to the family; have known him since he was born and I’ve heard you say you love him dearly. Since he came of that tender age of ten, I know you have been seeing him as something tantalising and attractive; irresistible. But one day, after his skin has lost the bloom that so appeals to you now, well, he will just be one of the many children you broke and then threw away after his voice changed and the hair started to sprout on his upper lip.
Did you know that because what you are about to do is so terrible, so vile, so unthinkable, from the moment you will have touched him as you desire to, he will never be the same? He will be forever changed. He will try to tell his Daddy about you but his Daddy will slap him and accuse him of telling lies. Somehow, the fact that you are his trusted babysitter – and a girl – will make you the perfect predator. No one will suspect you. You will be invited back again and again, over a period of many years. You will have this child at your complete mercy.
Because what you are about to do is so dreadful, so abhorrent, so unbelievable, as the little boy grows older, he will be forced to push what you did to him to the furthest corners of his mind so that he can forget. One day, he will be someone’s husband, and what you will have done to him, over and over for a period of years, will have greatly affected the type of man – and father – he will become. He will be angry. He will be distrustful. He will be broken. He will have issues about sex that are so deep and so dysfunctional that he will not be able to separate, in his own mind, pain from lust. And yet, sex will drive him. Shame will be his foundation. Love will be a concept that eludes and confuses him. His children will suffer; his spouse will suffer. Not one of them will be able to fill the ugly, oozing, putrid void that you left deep inside him. He will fight daily with fury. And he will battle addiction; so many addictions.
And then one day, out of the blue, something will trigger his memory and he will remember – with horror – what you did. It will all but drive him mad. It will not matter, then, that you are dead. Because in the furthest recesses of his mind, a part of you has always endured, like some vile, evil, dirty parasite that can never be washed away.
So, before you rape that little boy, please consider this:
- Right now, he trusts everyone, including you.
- Right now, he has no preconceived notions of sex, or dirtiness or shame or pain.
- Right now, he believes grown-ups protect little kids, because that’s just the way the world works.
- Right now, he is perfect and unbroken.
- Right now, he is innocent. And beautiful. And shameless.
- And clean.
Perhaps you really can’t help it. Perhaps someone broke you, many years ago, and you somehow feel that the only way to feel better is to break the next generation in turn. Perhaps you have a hormonal imbalance. Perhaps you are weak.
Or perhaps you are just a monster.
I would cut it out for you, if only I could…
Patti Moore Wilson © wednesdayschildca.wordpress.com