
I recall clearly that it was a beautiful sunny day: the kind of day that happens on that first day in the spring where everyone goes outside without a coat for the first time and the air smells fresh and new and full of possibility.
I was in grade three, walking hand-in-hand with another little girl, through the school playground. I clearly recall how wonderful it felt, to have a friend who didn’t mind showing the entire world that she liked me enough to hold my hand. I was not a particularly popular child in my early elementary years so any public demonstration of affection was a feather in my cap; a sign that I was popular too (sad, that even at age 8, I already understood the concept of ‘popular’).
“LIZZIES!!! Look at the two lizzies!” shouted an older kid, pointing at us and laughing loudly. At the time, I was sure that every single kid on the playground turned to look.
I had no idea what the word meant but somehow, I immediately understood that we were being taunted for holding hands: that holding hands made us bad and… dirty, somehow. We immediately released our friendly grip and we both took a sideways step away from one another. While I do not recall who was holding my hand that day, I do know that we never hung around with one another again.
A burgeoning friendship, neatly nipped in the bud.
For some reason, my memory of that day includes a group of us, still in the school playground, staring at a dead cat in one of the garbage cans. The cat had a long rope tied like a noose around its neck and it was stiff, eyes open and very much dead. Logic tells me that it cannot have happened on the same day as the hand-holding incident because when I saw the cat, it was the day after Halloween; bitter cold and snowless.
But the two events have always been inextricably linked in my mind. Because both events taught me that not all people are nice. That some people can be hard and cruel. That some people have hate and intolerance residing in the place where love was supposed to have been planted.
Luckily, the intolerance I witnessed didn’t have its desired effect. I have never accepted animal cruelty and I have always endeavoured to be open to and accepting of all people, no matter their race, their religion or their sexual orientation.
Sometimes hateful comments and actions can have positive and unintended consequences.
Patti Moore Wilson/ © wednesdayschildca.wordpress.com
Cruelty is power without restraint. That’s why schools are hotbeds of it.
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That’s why kids need mentors so much… you never know the small thing you might do or say that changes everything for a kid…💕
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Reblogged this on Ed;s Site..
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Thank you so much!!! 🙏💕
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Well written Patti. Could easily imagine myself on that playground. Heartbreaking. I’ve always found it amazing how memories like playground taunts happen in seconds, but can stay with us for the rest of our lives. And like you, the intolerance that I’ve seen in my life has stayed with me and had the reverse effect, making me much sympathetic to others unlike myself and concerned about fairness and justice then I might have been. Great to you for seeing the intolerance as what it was — even at such a young age. Thank you for sharing!
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What a lovely comment, Brian. Thank you so much! Sometimes we learn what to do (or how to be) by gently rejecting what we don’t want to be. I’m so glad you liked my post 🙂
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I learned how to be a pacifist from having an abusive and violent sperm donor. If he could see me now he would wonder that I did not turn into an abuser like him. He hated the world. For all its present problems and hatreds, I love this world. It needs a lot of things to change, but it is up to us to change them.
As for cruel children, in 99% of cases that cruelty is learned from parents, and other authority figures. I very much doubt the bigger children knew what they were calling you. They were given a description by their parents, and a label to put on it. Chances are as they grew up they despised their actions. But other chances are they enjoyed seeing your misery, and are have taught their children and grrandchildren to be as them and their parents. I am not saying forgive them, we probably have no idea who they are today. It seems you have forgiven yourself for reacting as you did, and possibly losing a BFF. You did not know any better at that age.
The future of that cat killer we will probably never know either. Chances are they are rotting in jail right now, or worse. I hate to see anyone rott8ng 8n jail, but if it keeps others from harm, maybe it is a necessity.
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I know a few people who were bullies when they were children, and who grew up regretting what they did. One even went back to apologize. And one wishes she could 😕 They all came from dysfunctional backgrounds and they all had so much working against them, at the time. I still shudder over the cat but have made my peace with the rest. I’m mostly just grateful for the lesson. And I’m so sorry your own lesson of becoming a pacifist was such hard one…
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At the time it was horrible. But I learned to be able to love almost anyone, or at least to like something about them. However there are still some I have no desire to meet — like any Conservative or Republican politician.
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Can’t blame you for that 🙂💕
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I would send you a laughing smiley, but I have no idea where to find them on my new laptop. They aren’t on the keyboard!
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Now I’M grinning 😄
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Now I can go have an afternoon nap.
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This is a beautiful share it shows how long these kinds of memories stick with us. I have wondered how horridly children must be teased now with social media and am curious him many middle and high school children commit suicide or have started habits like anorexia and cutting. Thank you for sharing this and I pray it reaches those who are likewise teased and provide some comfort. Have a blessed Sabbath, sending lots of love, Joni 🦋🌺
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Thanks so much Joni 🙏💕🥰 Yes, I’ve also wondered at how much worse it must be for children in the age of social media. And like you, it would make me very happy if this could bring some comfort to others…💕
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We learn the “us and them” dichotomy young, and it takes a lifetime of learning to understand we are one. We all rise from the same source and all return to it, in perpetuity…
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Hear, here!!! I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to finally come to the same conclusion (it took me awhile 🙂). Thanks so much for stopping in 🙏💕
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You’re very welcome, Patti.
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i was in first grade, the teacher mrs dunn hated me and wrote unkind things about me. fortunatly the new principal was kind and did not share her opinion.
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Oh I’m so sorry 😔😔😔 Not all teachers were meant to be teachers. They hold so much power in their hands and not all of them use it wisely. I’m glad you had a kinder adult in your corner…xo
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she was different. she validated that i was truly gifted in one area. thanks be to heaven for that then.
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Indeed…💕💕💕🙏
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Hurtful experiences at a tender or formative age stays with us for many years. Each of the remembered experiences left us with a choice. We either abhorred it and vowed we would not be like that or .. Much of our choice comes from our own upbringing. I think hurtful experiences help us develop a sense of empathy.
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I agree 100% Jasper 🙏💕 Thanks so much for stopping in…
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It’s remarkable how playground taunts can stick with you to adulthood. Names that you have been called or have heard. Kids can be so cruel. It’s the collective responsibility of all of us to teach more kindness it is really sad when kids face unimaginable cruelty from their own parents. We CAN do better. 💕🖇️🫂
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