I recall clearly that it was a beautiful sunny day: the kind of day that happens on that first day in the spring where everyone goes outside without a coat for the first time and the air smells fresh and new and full of possibility.
I was in grade three, walking hand-in-hand with another little girl, through the school playground. I clearly recall how wonderful it felt, to have a friend who didn’t mind showing the entire world that she liked me enough to hold my hand. I was not a particularly popular child in my early elementary years so any public demonstration of affection was a feather in my cap; a sign that I was popular too (sad, that even at age 8, I already understood the concept of ‘popular’).
“LIZZIES!!! Look at the two lizzies!” shouted an older kid, pointing at us and laughing loudly. At the time, I was sure that every single kid on the playground turned to look.
I am not what anyone could describe as a social media junkie but like so many my age, I rather like Facebook: you get to reconnect with old friends from childhood. You stay in touch with family members who live far away. You stay connected with old work friends. You share all kinds of jokes, recipes or news. You can even join clubs, tailored specifically to your needs and interests! Like so many people, Facebook became a lifeline for me during the social isolation of the Covid pandemic.
When I was a kid, I aspired to owning my own set of encyclopedias, which seemed to me the height of ‘being rich’. Like almost all my friends, however, I had to go to the library to use an encyclopedia. I didn’t go there for just any old thing: it had to be really important if I was going to bike all the way to the library to find out whatever little piece of knowledge I was seeking.
I will therefore remain amazed – to the end of my days – at how easy it is now, to look something up on the Internet. Want to knit a pair of mittens? Talented people will show you how – step by step – on YouTube. Your doctor told you to lower your cholesterol but didn’t give you any specifics? No problem: you will find reams of reliable medical information and healthy recipes in no time at all. Want to know how tall your favourite celebrity is? Yep, even that silly question can be answered with the click of a button.
I recently joined a local Facebook page that posts the headlines of current events. The news is pretty mundane stuff. Often, I don’t even bother to read any further than the headline. Sometimes I refer to the news link the page manager always incudes in the post. Occasionally, I read the comments.
Always, always a big mistake…
I come from a really nice, rural part of Canada where strangers wave at you as you pass by them in your car. People stop to help you if your car breaks down. Everyone – even teenagers!!!! – speak politely to you. So, I was appalled and saddened by a sudden increase of random meanness and cruelty in the comments section of our little local news page. To what end would people ever speak to one another that way? Would they say these things to one another if they were in the same room? Knowing the folks around these parts, I strongly suspect they would not.
A few weeks ago, I quietly crept away from that page, which is a shame, because it was a good, fast and reliable source of news. The vile comments, the easy anger, the foul language, the cruel taunts, the nasty jabs: well, they hurt my heart (and rather ruined my day).
I understand righteous anger. I have even posted, a time or two, on political events that really upset me. But it is the meanness that takes my breath away. I know we are capable of better. But is it still possible for us to reign in all that nastiness? Or is it like Pandora’s Box, now opened and released on the world; too late to take it all back?
Kids are allowed to have a Facebook account as of age 13. I don’t know if you remember but I sure do: kids that age are impressionable. Kids that age can be wonderfully kind but they can also be incredibly mean. And they are listening to all of us. There is no way they are unaffected by the cruel comments some grownups post all day, every day.
I have always believed it takes a village to raise a child. That village doesn’t even have to have an awareness that the kids are paying attention, but you can be sure they are paying attention. They hear (or see) every word. And I do wonder: what kind of ‘village’ are kids today growing up in? No parent could shelter them from all the vitriol that is out there.
Remember when mothers washed their kids’ mouths out with soap if they said something vile, or mean, or crude?
Yeah, me neither. I am 60 years old and that parenting fad had already passed by the time I was born.
For the past several years now, I have been having an all-out internal battle with the concept of organised religion. While I always had an easy, effortless and peaceful belief in God, I just cannot reconcile that belief with the hatred, judgement and distrust that seems to infiltrate religion: any religion; every religion.
If you actually break down each religion to its essence, each and every one focuses on some version of the Golden Rule (“Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”). Despite much misinterpretation to the contrary, not one religion tells us to go out and distrust, judge or kill people who do not follow what they follow; to reject the folks who don’t think exactly as they do.
I was fascinated, many years ago, by the implications of an experiment carried out by the late Japanese author and scientist Masaru Emoto, who scientifically proved that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water. He photographed water molecules as they reacted to positive thoughts and words, prayer and positive visualization. Then he photographed the same water molecules as they reacted to words like ‘hate’ or ‘evil’. The results, below, were astounding.
While many would call this hokey, I was mesmerised by the implication of those photos. If your thoughts really can do that to water, what on earth can your thoughts do to people, who are comprised of 60% water?
Unless you are a psychopath or a sociopath, if you knew for certain that your every thought had the capacity to directly affect another person’s molecules, wouldn’t you want to be extra careful what thoughts you allowed into your mind? Wouldn’t you want to stay as far as you could from toxic people who not only think hurtful things but say them and mean them?
For the past few years, I have found myself staying away from anyone who – by what they say or do – gives me the impression that they have the answer: the only answer. And I gravitate to the ones who, like me, are constantly seeking; open to the possibility that anything is possible.
Strangely enough, as I have gradually shared my feelings, it has come as a wonderful surprise to me that a great many of the folks in my own church have kept their hearts wide open to me; have welcomed my questioning and have lovingly accepted this divergent path of mine.
I have so many unanswered questions. But I do believe that one day, this body of mine will die and I will see with clarity all the things that seem so muddy to me now. My demise can hopefully wait, though. I am fifty-eight years old and I am just starting to get this whole ‘being alive’ thing figured out.
WEDNESDAY'S CHILD 